Matchmaker, Make me a Match!
Matchmaker – The well-known phrase from the movie Fiddler on the Roof. Dolly, of the movie Hello Dolly, was one. In Crossing Delancy, Amy Irving’s character met her match with the help of her grandmother who hired one.
Arranged marriages go back in history as far back as the Torah. Parents of two families would make a “Shidduch” a match. This is still practiced today among many cultures and in Judaism of the Orthodox communities.
Grandparents of many families today were arranged marriages. The big question often asked, “how did you find yourself to love grandma or grandpa?” The answer often is, “we grew to love each other.” How do I know this? My grandparents were an arranged marriage and oh how they loved each other!
If you think about it, as we date today on a steady basis with that one person, you get to know that person and you grow to love them. The love builds and builds as you share life together while dating which leads to that clear vision – you could be married to this person.
Often singles today struggle to have one blind date after another and wonder why it is so difficult and the big question, “what is wrong with me?” Some figure it out; some continue what they are doing with no success and conclude, “I believe I am to be without a partner.” Choosing that conclusion is an easy out, because without the work or guidance, then living without a partner will take place.
STOP THE NONSENSE!
a Jewish grandmother would be shaking her hand saying these words.
SNL Newsdesk had a segment a few seasons ago called, “REALLY!” Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers
- STOP! Texting and asking for a date! REALLY!
Use the telephone and speak to one another.
Message after message; voicemail after voicemail – REALLY!
Here’s a thought… let the person know the time you can actually speak.
- STOP! The Games!
I want to pretend I am super busy so they think I am interesting! REALLY!
If you are truly busy, okay, but to pretend you are?
- HOW …
Now, Married! Sharing Life with my soulmate! I got Real!
- YOU CAN TOO!
Have you wondered why confirmed bachelors often date one woman after another woman without making that commitment? Confirmed bachelorhood is an excuse, but what they do not realize is they cannot live life without companionship. When the companionship gets serious, they move on to the next woman, and the next woman, avoiding what God had originally created; no one should be alone unless you choose to be!
Whether, it is man and woman, a woman with a woman and a man with a man.
Parents, grandparents only want their children to be happy and feel that the commitment to marriage with a life partner is what will do it. I, as a rabbi from a spiritual sense, strongly believe in companionship and marriage.
When you meet your soul mate you do feel different when sharing life together. How do I know this? I met and married my soul mate. I knew God had someone for me, but I had some work to do in finding him.
With today’s overwhelming internet dating web sites and their databases, they are a hit or miss. There is more to it than that but often overlooked. So, how can you master the dating web sites and find your beshert (soul mate) for marriage, or for companionship?
Try this? This is the Silver Ring of Guidance!
- Sit with a pad, create two columns, the pros and cons of you as a person; your dislikes, your likes, who are you?
- Be honest about yourself, this is for you looking at you
- Go beyond walks on the beach, romantic candlelight dinners and even the music you like
- Then, create a third column; what are you looking for, the qualities of the person you would like to be with, for the rest of your life? Surface qualities are not as important as the deep down qualities – focus on what is important to you.
- Again, be honest, for this person is the person you believe is the one for you; don’t settle because they are out there!
Will it happen overnight, most likely no, but would you rather continue what is not working for you right now? This is a beginning and you will learn about yourself. Don’t expect to fill the columns in one afternoon.
When you complete the above, you can then go back into the matchmaker dating web sites and change your profile. Take control of your dating life, stop answering other dating profiles, create your own, and let your soul mate be found in your inbox!
Be honest and don’t be afraid to write from the heart. How else will the electronic matchmaker assist you in meeting the person you most likely have not been meeting?
When you know yourself, when you love yourself, then and only then, can you be with someone else.
Follow your Heart – Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match!
…and don’t forget the Rabbi wants to hear all about your love story!